if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Vodka?
Forever.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
