I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
