i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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