I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
