i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
