Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
