he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
