We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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