Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
