She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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