I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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