Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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