Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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