there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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