Porn is love you can see.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
