new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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