Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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