Jerry, you need to find god
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
