I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
