dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i was born a porn star she said
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
