pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
