then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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