I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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