Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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