i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
