Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
These tits shall not be calmed
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
