i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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