How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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