alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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