I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
