so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
