I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
