i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
