Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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