There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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