I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
