the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
