Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
