all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
