dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
