Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
