glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
