I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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