I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
