so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
