god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize