smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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