his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
