don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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