We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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